He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
