I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize