he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
