I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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