oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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