Whod you bang
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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