Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
