I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
