Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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