He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
