Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
