apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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