i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
