Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
