I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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