I have demons in me.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
