I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
