i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
