hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
