you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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