WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
