"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
