i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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