Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
please don't ironically join a cult
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