I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
if only i could text you this smell
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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