I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
