i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
