im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
