I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
