I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We are all done wearing pants today
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
