I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
