kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
