You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
