That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize