She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
