There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
