I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
