he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
