Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
