Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He better not be in your backpack
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
