Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize