Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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