never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
