I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
