super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Did you just see the Batmobile???
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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