Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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