Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
