You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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