guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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