you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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