yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize