Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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