But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
