you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
