just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
