Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
