Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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