I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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