Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize