Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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