he wants to bone in the snuggie
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
