I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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