Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
