Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize