I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
