We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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