walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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