I must be too annoying 4 u.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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