These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
