What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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