Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
