Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
