We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
