Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
