Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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