I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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